omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
