What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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