put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
