I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
