I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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