I wish i was in the wii world.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
