franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
