I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
