some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
