You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize
