i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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