I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
