i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
