This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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