Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
