If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
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