girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
