you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
