If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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