So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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