Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
