turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
