At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
