I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
