I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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