i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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