its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
