Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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