TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
