oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
