i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
