That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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