where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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