Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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