At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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