I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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