just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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