would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
