there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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