She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
