did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
