the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
