According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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