not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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