If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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