walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
