Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
