Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
