i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
