I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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